Nicolas314

All my geeky stuff ends up here. Mostly Unix-related

Worst game eva

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Stay away from this game

Complete waste of time

Imagine you want to try Assassin’s Creed II on your quad-core PC equipped with 4 comfortable gigs of RAM and a decent gamer’s graphics card. Since you have an account on Steam and you trust them, you would purchase it on their site, start the download and expect to play in 1-2 hours.

The actual procedure is a tad more complicated than that, though.

Let me elaborate:

  • Open your Steam client, select Assassin’s Creed II for purchase
  • Your credit card payment is refused, start again
  • After 14 unsuccessful payment attempts, spend an hour on various forums
    to discover variations around “Have you tried turning it off and on?”.
  • Contact Steam support, let them know you cannot purchase on their site
  • Wait a couple of days
  • Get a helpful answer from Steam: “Have you tried turning it off and on?”
  • Wait a couple more days
  • Try purchasing again, just in case: this time your payment goes through
  • Click Install Game
  • Wait a complete night for the download to complete
  • Next day, start up Steam and select Play Game.
  • Wait through DirectX installation
  • Wait through VC++ 2005 re-distributable installation
  • Steam client halts. Re-start it, select Play Game
  • Witness “Startup client installation” for about 10 minutes. This time you get a progress bar.
  • Witness “Startup client installation” for another 5 minutes. Same progress bar, a bit faster this time
  • A login window appears, asking you for a username and password. What? Click “I do not have an account”. Your browser opens up onto the Ubisoft web site, asking you to create an account.
  • You painfully create an account on a page filled up with legalese. You provide your name, birthdate, postal address, email, and authorize Ubisoft to spam you forever.
  • Back to the Assassin’s Creed II login window. Enter the username and password you just created. Get a login error.
  • Open up your email: you see two new mails from Ubisoft. One contains a link to click to activate your account. Click the link. Your browser opens again on the very same account page.
  • Back to the Assassin’s Creed II login window. Enter the username and password you just activated.
  • The next window asks for an activation code that can be found in the box. What box?
  • Back to Steam FAQ: if you need an activation code it will be given to you upon startup.
  • Re-launch Assassin’s Creed II: notice the little window at the bottom of the screen. Copy the activation code to clipboard
  • Back to the Assassin’s Creed II login window. Enter the username and password you already entered twice. Now paste your activation code.
  • Switch to full black screen: admire Ubisoft animated logo
  • Switch to full white screen: an error message lets you know that Ubisoft servers cannot be reached, therefore your game will halt until this is corrected.
  • Follow the only option on screen and quit Assassin’s Creed II. Re-launch
  • Back to Assassin’s Creed II login window. Enter the username and password you already entered three times. This time, tick “Remember me”
  • Admire Ubisoft animated logo, then a couple more animated logos. Get a warning about the fact that people who worked on this game have different religions.
  • A game menu appears. Select “New Game”
  • Wait a couple of minutes for the game to start
  • Actually this is not the game yet. First you absolutely must watch 45 minutes of a bad movie that has nothing to do with a medieval assassin. You cannot leave the movie or skip scenes. You are also not allowed to leave the room during the movie, since you will be requested to press a button at random intervals to show you are still there.
  • You are still not allowed to play the role of a medieval assassin, you must follow a story about some guy who does not understand what is happening (neither do you) but is finally allowed to sit in a chair.
  • At that point you see your first glimpse of a medieval street. It would be tempting to play but keyboard and mouse controls are just impossible to use.
  • Quit the game, hook up an old game controller, let Windows find and install a driver for it, go through controller calibration.
  • Re-start Assassin’s Creed II
  • You notice the framerate is catastrophic. You lower down all graphical parameters until you get something half decent. On a quad-core. With 4 gigs of RAM.
  • You may now try to play Assassin’s Creed II. Pray your Internet connection does not stall, your local, single-player game will not function without it.

The game itself cost me 7 euros on Steam, which sounded like a fair price. On the other hand, waiting several days and spending a complete evening fighting my way through to get a right to play is a bit beyond what I can stand.

I knew I should have downloaded a cracked version. At least you do not need a constant Internet connection or a Ubisoft account, and you get better support from the forums.

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Written by nicolas314

Thursday 5 January 2012 at 1:55 am

Posted in gaming, ripoff

Tagged with , ,

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